Awe and Wonder…
Sitting on my friend’s covered back porch in the Texas heat after her surgery, she gently leaned towards me and whispered, “Be present to the Presence.” Showing me the incision markings throughout her belly, I marveled in wonder at the level of her physical pain prior to surgery. I marveled at the gift those bandaged areas provided her now. And I marveled at her resilience when your world becomes so very small post-surgery. Yet, here she was, gently leaning into me whispering “Be present to the Presence.”
Psychologist and theologian, Chanequa Walker-Barn, describes sacred self-compassion this way:
“There can be no self-care without self-compassion, which is compassion turned inward. It is the ability to connect to our feelings, to respond to our suffering with kindness, and to desire that our suffering be ameliorated. Self-compassion prompts us to treat ourselves in ways that alleviate, rather than cause or amplify, our pain and suffering.”
My friend was the embodiment of self-care; and, in that living example, she was showering me with the beauty of her soul’s Presence. She ever so tenderly was calling me to let go of the past that had me locked in a lonely cage of self-doubt after being so vulnerable with my life story. She was calling me to be kind and gentle, caring and nurturing, empowering and forgiving of my hurt. She was teaching me that our physical wounds can sometimes heal our inner wounds in the action of being present always to my inner loving Presence and not the inner critic voice that removes us from this moment.
I left my friend with an extended hug, pouring my heart into her physical being while being poured into by her Presence. Walking to my car I began to muse on the wonder of turning pain into something awesome. Instead of shying away from pain, leaning into it to unwrap the gifts it holds on the other side of pain.
I wanted to release my tendency to drag around my past pain baggage. Like my friend, I wanted to be more present to my inner Presence.
I sat in silence. I walked with attentive gratitude as the sun rose in my neighborhood. I felt the warmth of my grandchild’s hand in mine luring me forward and down, laughing as we rolled down the hill. And I found myself in silent awe as I recognized the never-ending origins of the one unending present moment in which my life, and our lives, unfold.
American writer and clinical psychologist, James Finley, said:
“We know by experience that in a relative, but very real sense, we are the arbiters of our journey. If we do not patiently work through the obstacles encountered along the way, we can lose our way and lose ourselves in the process.”
With the aid of social media, I watched in awe and wonder this past week as my nephew led three athletes on a ten-hour, twenty-two-mile trail run through the breathtaking and exhaustively challenging terrain within Zion National Park. They were truly arbiters of their journeys. Each athlete brought their pain. Each athlete brought their inner critic. Each athlete brought their fears; and each brought their deep sense of self-compassion with them overcoming every adversity that ran that journey alongside them.
No matter how foolish and broken we may be, compassionate love is always ready to drain fear-based rigidity out of the situation to the point that we might begin to recognize our ever-present invitation to join in the general dance of God, one with us in our brokenness. Those athletes were present to their inner Presence, in all their beautiful brokenness.
James Finley, goes on to say:
“In choosing to be compassionate, we are yielding to the compassionate nature of God flowing through us, in, and as our compassion toward our self.”
Three weeks from today, I will watch with awe and wonder as one of my sisters climbs on her bike and rides three hundred and ten miles with the wind, heat, and rain as her companions. She will be an arbiter of her journey. She will be tested physically, emotionally, and spiritually all to raise money for our veterans. She will have to face all those voices that tell her “No.” But she will turn pain into wonder inspiring all those she passes along the way. She will be holding hands with self-compassion. She will be present to her inner Presence.
American psychologist and writer, Tara Brach, reminds us
“Compassion honors our experience; it allows us to be intimate with the life of this moment as it is. Compassion makes our acceptance wholehearted and complete.”
As my friend, my nephew and my sister are teaching me, may we all be present to our inner Presence and turn our collective pain into awe and wonder.
Do you have a story of turning pain into awe and wonder, or being present to your inner Presence, you would be brave enough to share with us? We would love to celebrate you.
I leave you to ponder this discussion with James Finley:
“God is the presence that spares us from nothing, even as God unexplainably sustains us in all things. God depends on us to protect ourselves and each other, to be nurturing, loving, protective people. When suffering is there, God depends on us to reach out and touch the suffering with love that it might dissolve in love.
But here is the thing: To be present to suffering and to touch the suffering with love, that it might dissolve in love, means to be grounded in the peace that is not dependent on the outcome of the effort because, regardless of how it turns out, God is unexplainably taking us to God, breath by breath, moment by moment.”
Until next time, friends.
