Would you like to dance?

Giving thanks for Dr. B…

Welcome back, friends.

It is comforting to be in community with you as this past week I was quite grieved by the passing of Dr. Barbara A. Holmes, Core Faculty member of the Center for Action and Contemplation, President Emeritus of the United Theological Seminary, spiritual thought leader, activist, lawyer, writer, podcaster, and scholar. Her writing and teaching embodied a deep wisdom and grace that both challenged and grounded me.

Interestingly, the week before she transitioned from this life into dancing stardust and particles of energy, she asked us all to consider joy and partnership in all circumstances. On a particularly difficult day she reminded me through her writing that:

“We are born with an inner fire. I believe that this fire is the God within. It is an unquenchable, divine fire. It warms us, encourages us, and occasionally asks us to dance.” 

I did not want to dance that day and prayed that my never-ending loop of self-destructive thinking would quiet enough to ease my tired mind. Afraid of the future, I lost my sense of the Now. Trauma expert Bessel Van der Kolk, MD is quoted as saying:

“it [the aftermath of trauma] really is about having difficulty feeling alive in the present, feeling engaged, feeling a sense of pleasure, of joy, of even exuberance at the right moment of just feeling like boy it’s good to be alive.”

Yet, Dr. B, as Barbara Holmes was known, says that no matter the circumstances, we are all called to joy.

Feeling defective, my legs and hips wouldn’t sway. Feeling scared and alone, I couldn’t hear the music. Feeling out of control, my joy was illusive. Begging for a different answer to my circumstances, I felt frozen. Bessel van der Kolk, MD says it is in this frozen moment that one needs to “unplug the river of life basically.”

That is powerful. I had stopped the flow of life by holding onto stories that had been hard-wired into me. I let the story lead the way keeping me in a darkness darker than the night. Shame researcher and storyteller, Dr. Brene Brown, says “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging. Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weaknesses. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”

In a frequently difficult effort to be vulnerable, I share my stories, my fears, my successes, and my joy bomb moments with you. There is a future because my stories and your stories are not locked up within our individual lives. Instead, they are held as precious elements of communal wisdom. Our stories do not need opportunities for neat resolution; they just need to be told over and over again … heard and pondered before the dancing begins—and, according to Dr. B,

“The dancing will begin again because when we lose hope and joy as individuals, the community digs deep into its shared resources and starts the beat yet again. They tap their feet and drum the promises of God.”

Barbara Holmes created a community. A community I am deeply grateful for and that leads me by the hand into the ring of fire to dance….joyously, wildly and with abandon. So many people benefited from her unique voice and wellspring of wisdom. If you haven’t yet had the pleasure of reading her words or hearing her voice, I heartily recommend searching for her books, podcasts and many appearances on www.cac.org or other resources.

One of her last meditations asked this of us:

“Whatever is going on in your life right now, this too shall pass. Where do you find your joy? If you don’t know how to dance, don’t worry. Your soul knows the steps. Wherever life finds you, don’t forget to dance and sing with the God who dances like the whirlwind with you.”

I am sure she is dancing joyously, wildly and with abandon somewhere on the other side.

Until next time friends.

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