Calming the Storm

The row boat, the motorboat and the helicopter…

Welcome back, friends.

I imagine many of you are, as I am, feeling an underlying sense of anxiousness as we count down the days towards our country’s unknown future. As a survivor of Adverse Childhood Experiences, this uncertainty triggers a deep sense of danger. A pervasive anxiety that is coloring my ability to find ease in the simple pleasures of life, let alone my grandchildren dressed in their lovingly handmade Halloween costumes giggling with delight at the anticipation of tonight’s festivities. Am I alone?

According to Shenandoah Chefalo of Chefalo Consulting:

“From an evolutionary standpoint, the brain is wired for survival. One of the key ways it ensures our survival is by favoring stability and predictability over uncertainty and change. This preference is deeply embedded in our brain’s processes and plays a significant role in how we respond to new or unfamiliar situations.”

Without question there will be change. Without question we will be in unfamiliar waters. Without question our survival is dependent on an unknown outcome. And without question, this uncertainty has triggered my trauma brain as I face not only the impending election, but my family’s health issues, as well as my own neck surgery in a few weeks.

Sometimes we can feel so lost and alone because life dishes a lot onto our plate at the same time. How do we bounce back? How do we trust in the mystery of the river of grace? How do we find the courage to share that we are scared? Will you hold my hand and dance with me? Or do we hold it in and let our stress response system run rampant, as I did?

A few nights ago, my husband was startled awake by my standing and jumping wildly on the bed with voices of various characters spewing foul language and karate chopping invisible demons. He was convinced I was about to fly off the bed as I sought to demolish these dream-threats. He gently brought me out of this night terror, only to fall back into a new one and then another. When asked what I was dreaming, I had no answer other than I only knew I was not safe, and my world was unraveling.

ACEs survivors exhibit what is termed an “Intolerance of Uncertainty (IU).” It is a cognitive vulnerability that causes people to react negatively to uncertain situations. It is characterized by a tendency to fear the future, believe that uncertainty is undesirable, and have negative interpretations of uncertain situations. People with IU may also experience emotional distress and feel unable to face uncertainty. This appears to be me now. At least it was until I decided to choose vulnerability/courage over fear and aloneness by reaching out and sharing what was my truth. Does any of this ring true for you?

Trauma-informed Implementation Consultant, Author, Keynote Speaker and Trainer, Shenandoah Chefalo goes on to explain:

“For individuals with a history of trauma, this fear can be even more pronounced. Trauma can alter the brain’s stress response system, making it more sensitive to perceived threats. As a result, the prospect of change can trigger a heightened state of arousal, leading to a fight, flight, or freeze response.”

Or, as in my case, night terrors.

Seriously sleep-deprived, I once again sat at my kitchen table at four o’clock in the morning, joined in community with thousands of faces I do not know nor ever will, and contemplated the great mystery of us all. I began with a pause, a centering in God pause, quietly breathing into my moments of honoring and deepening my connection with the One that awakens us to our Essential Self. It was in this silence, disturbed only by my breath, that I remembered the story of the Drowning Man.

The Drowning Man

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.” The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.” To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.” So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.” To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.” So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned.

He went to Heaven. And finally he got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

In the dim light of pre-dawn, I saw the rowboat, the motorboat and the helicopter that were sent to me to hold me, in the form of my husband and a dear friend that I had felt safe enough with to share all that I was facing and feeling. They had reminded me that I am loved, I am not alone, and I am safe. A calm washed over me, erasing my fear of uncertainty illuminating the power of love and the power of being present to the Presence.

For me, it was truly a holy moment. An extraordinary moment. A shift that subtly, but profoundly, removed my fear of uncertainty. I was awash in calm and trust. Will it stay? I do not know, but it has held me for the past few days. In the moments where I feel the natural tendency to gravitate to fear-of-the-unknown, I am reminded of the rowboat, motorboat and the helicopter.

In your anxiousness, pause, allow yourself to settle into quietude. Breathe and quell the incessant voices in your head. In this calm, trust that you will find the rowboat, the motorboat and the helicopter that have been sent to you. They are there.

I read this beautiful meditation by American author, philosopher, theologian, Christian mystic, educator and civil rights leader, Howard Thurman, that I would like to leave you with:

How Good To Center Down!

How good it is to center down!
To sit quietly and see one’s self pass by!
The streets of our minds seethe with endless traffic;
Our spirits resound with clashings, with noisy silences,
While something deep within hungers and thirsts for the still moment
    and the resting lull.
With full intensity we seek, ere the quiet passes, a fresh sense
    of order in our living;
A direction, a strong sure purpose that will structure our confusion
    and bring meaning in our chaos.
We look at ourselves in this waiting moment –
   the kinds of people we are.
The questions persist:  what are we doing with our lives? –
    what are the motives that order our days?
What is the end of our doings?
Where are we trying to go?
Where do we put the emphasis and where are our values focused?
For what end do we make sacrifices?
Where is my treasure and what do I love most in life?
What do I hate most in life and to what am I true?
Over and over the questions beat in upon the waiting moment.
As we listen, floating up through all the jangling echoes of our turbulence,
   there is a sound of another kind –
A deeper note which only the stillness of the heart makes clear.
It moves directly to the core of our being.
Our questions are answered,
Our spirits refreshed, and we move back into the traffic of our daily round
With the peace of the Eternal in our step.
How good it is to center down!

Until next time friends…