Bess Hilpert has written a courageous and compelling memoir that is both heart wrenching and hopeful. Her book, finding I, describes her winding life journey through numerous adversities and the toll these Adverse Childhood Experiences took on her mental and physical health, her self-esteem and self-worth, her career, and her family.
Yet throughout the book, there is also a powerful current of strength and will to live, love, and heal. She shows us the healing power of supportive relationships, physical activity, connecting with nature, practicing mindfulness, religious community, and finding meaning and purpose.
With a conversational and personal tone, Bess Hilpert seamlessly weaves in the science of trauma and child abuse and creates the feeling of personal connection between herself and the reader. As I was reading the book, I felt I was in her kitchen having a cup of tea and we were old friends having a deep, meaningful, heart-warming conversation. Throughout the book, I wanted to be in her presence, give her a big hug, and feel her warmth, passion, deep knowledge, spirit, and healing energy.
For anyone who feels they are struggling, loves someone that is struggling, is in the medical or mental health field, or is doing medical or mental health research, read this book and be inspired to heal.
Rachel Gilgoff, MD
Child Abuse Pediatrician
Integrative Medicine Specialist
Adjunct Clinical Associate Professor
Department of Pediatrics
Division of Allergy and Immunology
Standford University School of Medicine
It is an honor to be asked to share my thoughts about Bess Hilpert’s manuscript finding I. By way of disclosure, I know Bess from swimming on the same Masters team. And in further disclosure, Bess swam several lanes up from me, as she is a significantly faster and more accomplished swimmer.
I trained as an internal medicine physician in the early 1990s. Since internists primarily care for adult patients, the increasing recognition and acceptance of the profound and lasting impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) was not in the forefront of adult medicine. The landmark study on ACEs was done in 1997 even though the concept of post-traumatic stress disorder gained recognition in the aftermath of the Viet Nam war. I remember distinctly the first time I heard the term ACEs at a conference about six years ago. Upon hearing the description of ACEs, I felt that I gained an instant understanding of many of the complex challenges that my patients had experienced. It was a moment of clarity like few others.
I also knew that entire communities of multiple generations experienced collective trauma as happened in Cambodia during and after the reign of Pol Pot. We did not know then there was a biological basis for this phenomenon as well as a sociological one. Research by Dr. Rachel Yehuda and others on offspring of Holocaust survivors as well as children born to mothers who were pregnant on 9/11 have shown the complex interplay of trauma on the endocrine system as well as our DNA structure and demonstrated that trauma is indeed heritable.
The field of trauma-informed care also had its origins in the aftermath of the Viet Nam war and gained greater support in 2001 when the US Congress and Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) established the Donald J. Cohen National Child Traumatic Stress Network.
Finding I is many things. It is courageous, honest, raw, and hopeful. Bess does not shy away from sharing even the lowest points in her life with readers. To bare one’s psyche and soul in such an unflinching way is a precious gift to us.
Throughout the manuscript, there are moments where Bess makes a choice: the choice to live and later, to love and be loved. Bess’ profound faith is a central theme in this work and there is no doubt that that faith helped her survive and later, thrive.
I am reminded of the exhortation from the book of Deuteronomy that we hear in synagogue on the Sabbath before Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. “I have set before you today life and good, and death and evil. Choose life, that you may live……” And in Bess’s words, “I could choose love and life, or I could choose fear and embrace the struggle. In that moment, I chose love.”
Thank you, Bess, for your generosity in sharing your story with us. We are all richer for it.
Sue S. Bornstein, MD, FACP
Executive Director, Texas Medical Home Initiative
Co-Lead, Texas Primary Care Consortium
Chair, Board of Regents, American College of Physicians
This excellent book is on the leading edge of our growing understanding that many people do not suffer, at the deepest level, from just a medical or psychological problem. At the deepest level, many suffer from a h/o trauma that we now know takes a terrible toll on the mind and body. The body does after all truly keep the score and tell the story for those with ears to listen. In this book, Bess Hilpert illustrates how much healing is possible when we understand this and draws out with remarkable clarity and precision both the universally human dimensions of her story and the science that lays it bare. A brilliant exposition of healing and restoration.
Jeffrey D. Rediger, MD, MDiv
Medical Director, McLean Southeast Adult Psychiatry and Community Affairs,
McLean Hospital
Mass General Brigham
Assistant Professor
Harvard Medical School
Books:
Cured: Strengthen Your Immune System and Heal Your Life, Flatiron Publications 2021
Even “the darkness is not dark for you,” O God. I kept thinking of this line from Psalm 139 as I read Bess’ courageous testimony, and the tenacious spirit that kept propelling her to wholeness. But this spirit wasn’t something outside of her; it was something deep within her that was accessed in moments of quiet. Reading Bess’ story was incredibly formative for me as a spiritual director and minister in the Catholic Church, as I often encounter women who have had adverse childhood experiences. I so appreciate the reminder that to care for these women, I must care for them as a whole: body, mind, and spirit. Bess’ story is a great witness to the idea of co-laboring with God. As Bess encountered the “I” within her, she encountered God; as she was loved by others, she was loved by God. What a beautiful, transformative collaboration. This is a story that all ministers in the church need to read.
Sarah Otto, MDiv
Retreat Director and Spiritual Director
at the Ignatius House Jesuit Retreat Center in Atlanta, GA
I stayed up late last night to finish reading Bess Hilpert’s finding I. The honesty and desire to help others by shedding light on this tragic epidemic with her firsthand account is as impressive as it is heartbreaking. I have to admit that Bess is way more forgiving than I would be, but I also understand that there is great love and healing in compassion and forgiveness. I think Bess has a special connection to the spirit world, maybe because of her suffering. What a tragic and yet beautiful story. I got my Master’s degree in child counseling and we never learned anything about child abuse. It was not a topic back in the 80’s. That in itself is a tragedy!! finding I should be read by every person getting a counseling or psychotherapy degree; every psychiatrist should have to read this story as part of their training; medical doctors should have to read this as well as teachers. It gives such honest insight into how it feels to live in fear every day as a child.
Debbie Reed
MA CACREP
Bess Hilpert knows the trauma of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), the kind of hardship that seeps into every nook and cranny of your life and colors your existence. But she also knows the power of healing and the role that heart-based emotions can play within that healing. In her book finding I, she courageously shares her story, juxtaposing her own experiences with a neuroscientific understanding of trauma, recovery, and the healing power of love. This book is a must if you seek to have an intimate portrait of the damage ACEs can cause and a path forward through heart-based emotions.
Alane K. Daugherty Ph.D.
Co-Director Mind and Heart Research Lab
Books:
Unstressed: How Somatic Awareness Can Transform Your Body’s Stress Response and Build Emotional Resilience, New Harbinger Publications 2019
From Mindfulness to Heartfulness: A Journey of Transformation through the Science of Embodiment, Balboa Press 2014
The Power Within: From Neuroscience to Transformation, Kendall Hunt Publishing 2008